Inevitable

: incapable of being avoided or evaded

heart·ache . Emotional anguish; sorrow.

I know .. in my heart your time is coming sweet P.  I watched you off and on today sleeping in the same spot.  Looking so frail and so ... old.   I couldn't take it anymore this evening and I woke you.  I cuddled you and rocked you.   I sat you by the window so you could look out at the world for a while.  

And then ... 

I decided to get down there by the sill and look out with you.  What do you see when you look outside.  I saw the Hydrangeas turning from pale white to a soft purple.  How deep green their leaves are against the softness of the petals.  The wispy leaves of the Crocosmia and their buds tight before bursting forth in bloom.  I saw bees zooming around the roses, in and out finding that sweet taste they long for.  I smelled the evening coming on with the scent of freshly cut grass tossed in to the mix.  

I looked at you so serene just sitting there.  At that moment and still I want to grab you up and find the nearest spring of youth to dip you in and make you tiny again.  When I first brought you home with me.  The runt, so very tiny with a stubby little tail.  You fell asleep later that afternoon, with a tummy full of warm milk, in the palm of my hand and your head dangling over.   It was priceless and you had my heart forever at that moment.  Always sleeping in the bend of my neck and later at the curve of my arm.  Now you spend your days nearly searing your fur in front of the heater I now torture myself with during the day as the summer is coming on.  I leave it on low knowing you'll seek it out after a little snack or a potty break.  

I whispered to him as I left him by the heater.. Not yet Tigger.. I am not ready.  


Will I ever be? 




A younger Mr. P.  My first true love.