The little names we give to our precious loves. The little names you suddenly have a hard time even whispering out loud because you know you will choke up and no one will come running to it.
How do you say goodbye? How do you let go? How do you do what's right and best for them when everything in your heart is screaming no no no. My greedy nature wanted to stuff the syringe up the Vets butt and run for it the day I put my big girl panties on and did what's best for Kai. The Mommy in me screamed NO, Heaven can't have him, he's my little bit of chocolate sunshine! The days leading up to making that choice and the days following have royally sucked ass I tell you. There is no more Aroo roo roo from him. I wont EVER see his sweet little face again unless I flip through photos. There is no solid warm frito tootsie smell from him. This sucks! That's the best way I can put it.
So today I made myself sit and pick out some of my favorite photos of Kai. I want to share his beautiful face with the world. In a way, this little blog posting will keep him alive as I can come back to it and remember him too.
You don't say goodbye. You forever miss them, it doesn't matter if it's hours, days or years. You miss them terrible. I've lost kitties and I miss them like crazy.
You don't let go. Little things are always there to remind you and keep them close to your heart.
You do what's best because it's what's right.. in the long run your heart realizes this even at the time it seems so very wrong.
My beautiful baby.
Rest in peace little boy.
Mommy will see you again someday!
How I miss you snoozing on me like this little man! I miss you ... so very much.